The following is the story of our co-sleeping experience as of November 2010 and was originally published in The Birth Vine - a quarterly Journal of Shared Birth and Parenting Wisdom by The Manitoba Association for Childbirth and Family Education. Re-published here with permission.
I have been a mother for going on three years, and I continue to discover on a daily basis that motherhood is something you should go in to with no expectations or assumptions about what the experience with each child will be like. Our children are not carbon copies of each other; they are distinct separate little beings with different personalities and needs.
Our first daughter Desana slept in our bed until she was fifteen months old. It was an economical choice to co-sleep as money was tight and initially we couldn’t afford to buy her a crib. It was a matter of survival as it meant I was able to get the most sleep while she nursed in bed beside me. Once I started working when she was six months old, co-sleeping became our way of catching up on all of the daytime hours we had spent apart.
One of the first things we did after finding out we were pregnant again was to buy a king size bed. We knew that this baby would more than likely be co-sleeping with us again and wanted to have the space for that to be as easy as possible. After Freya was born I decided to try and keep her close by in a bassinet, but after the first few weeks she ended up in bed with us all the time. I also planned to have her in the crib by six months, and here we are now at 10 months, still co-sleeping.
One of the biggest differences between my daughters and our co-sleeping experiences is that Desana would stay latched and nibbling all night, and was extremely unhappy if I tried to get her to sleep unlatched. Freya nurses until she is done then unlatches, rolls over and falls asleep.
Different children, different experiences.
I’m learning that it is ok to have mixed feelings about the mothering experience and the choices you make. There is no clear right way to do things, what works for one parent might go against everything you believe about parenting. It is also ok to change your mind about something if it just isn’t working for you. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt as a mother is that we are all just figuring it out as we go along. It’s ok to not have it all together.
I’ve tried more times than I can remember to try get Freya to sleep in her crib, but in the end my desire to be sleeping always wins out over my desire to be sleeping alone. I enjoy waking up in the morning with my baby next to me, listening to her morning chatter and kissing and tickling her chubby little self. I like being able to place my hand on her for reassurance during the night when I get stricken by the fear that maybe she’s not breathing. I don’t even mind it when her little toes dig in to my back while I’m trying to sleep!
Desana is about to turn three and Freya will be one the month after that. Before I know it she will be much too busy discovering the world to stop for cuddles. I know that she won’t always need me the way that she does now. It probably won’t be this week, perhaps next month, or sometime next year, but sooner or later she’ll be ready to be in her own bed.
I think I can handle co-sleeping for a little bit longer.
Amy Stewart is a mother of two who finds beauty and happiness in her ordinary life at www.happinessisthejourney.com
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