When You're Overwhelmed

"Stop a minute, right where you are. Relax your shoulders, shake your head and spine like a dog shaking off cold water. Tell that imperious voice in your head to be still..."

— Barbara Kingsolver

Purge Yourself

"Sometimes you have to let everything go—purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything—whatever is bringing you down—get rid of it. Because you will find that when you are free, your true creativity, your true self comes out."

— Tina Turner

No Rules

"There are no absolute rules about raising children. Raise yours in ways that are right for you. Address only problems that are problems to you. Don’t imagine problems because someone else thinks you have them, even if that person is family, friend or expert. Read, listen and learn constantly, but always sift what you learn through the strainer of your personal beliefs and parenting philosophy."

- (The “No-Cry” mantra) Elizabeth Pantley

Normality

Image Source: Marco Bellucci

The last two days we have been up before noon, progress! 7am yesterday, 9am today. 11-12 was becoming the norm because the only real uninterrupted sleep I was getting was between 7-11am. I don't know that Freya is sleeping that much better, so much as I gave up on having her in the bassinet and have had her in bed with me for the last couple of nights. As a former and apparently current cosleeper, purchasing a king size bed was just about the best decision we ever made. We actually went out and bought it the first weekend after finding out I was pregnant again. We will see how lazy I am about getting her out of the bed. At least this time around we have a crib for when she is ready, or we are ready. That's one big reason Desana was in bed with us up until about 15 months.

Desana is out of her crib now. In one day she figured out both how to climb out of the crib, and how to climb over the back of the couch that keeps her from our study area. There's a baby gate that we climb over to get to the desks... she hasn't figured out how to climb over that yet, but she regularly pushes them over!  We will have to buy a toddler bed (I am looking secondhand) but in the meantime I just took her mattress out of the crib and lay it on the floor. It's actually working out really well. I moved the babygate to the other side of her bedroom door, so now she spends half the day playing in her room with her toys, and wandering out to see me once in awhile. The only difficult part is when she closes the door and keeps knocking until I come let her out. That happens during naptime too. It's actually incredibly cute, although mildly irritating at bedtime!
I guess I don't talk a whole lot about Freya yet. She's so little, it's all eat, poop, sleep at this point. She looks so like Desana, I'm not sure at which point she will start looking like herself!

Three Weeks

Image Source: J>Ro

I've been a Mummy to two little girls for three weeks now. The transition was easier than I expected, but there are still very rough moments, generally related to lack of sleep. Desana has adjusted really easily to not being an only child anymore. I would say she is testing her boundaries more, but it's hard to know if that's because she knows I'm busy with the baby or because she's two years old. The only hard part for her seemed to be accepting my nursing the baby as well as her. Having to share. She cried the first few times she saw Freya nursing, and I told her that she has to share now. I try to make time for her to nurse at least once a day, but it's difficult. Freya seems to sense it and start to fuss.

I haven't made the time to write Freya's birth story, I should make sure I do before too much time passes. Very summarised, labour started with my water breaking and Freya was born about ten hours later... exactly the same as with Desana! Also another planned homebirth, although I did not make it into the birth pool this time around for various reasons. It was good, although my recollections of the experience are overshadowed by my memory of the big bleed I had about four hours later, having to have pitocin through an IV and narrowly avoiding transfer to hospital. It was a very frightening and painful experience, and although I love homebirth and am very concerned about having a hospital birth, I think I might have to for baby #3. I just don't know if I can take that kind of risk, knowing that generally you bleed heavier with each baby. I wish I didn't have that problem because otherwise my body does so well with labour! I'm going to talk with my attending midwife about it next week for her professional opinion, but we most likely won't need to really worry about it for a few more years.

I have a lot more to say and will hopefully get into a habit of posting, typing one-handed while nursing! I guess overall I'm glad with how well things are going. My house is generally tidier than I would expect, I'm keeping us all fed and clothed, haven't had too many breakdowns. I'm my harshest critic and I am trying to judge myself the way I would judge someone else. I just had a baby three weeks ago, it's ok if I don't have it all together.