February Snapshots

Desana, three years old

Freya, thirteen months

Desana with two little friends

Beautiful baby toes

Your Dreams Miss You

"Your Dreams Miss You"; an eloquent line for a sleeping pill advertisement, but I took it in a different way.

Do you have a dream that you've pushed to the back of your mind to recall 'someday'? I know that I do; I need only look right here to see one of my dreams being neglected.

The reality is that someday never comes, unless we make it so.

Stop and consider this. What if you never took any steps in the direction of your dreams? What if you never even tried?

"A life lived in fear is a life half lived." - Strictly Ballroom

You have to make the choice of what day will be someday. Make a goal, decide on your priorities, and act.

For me, this blog post is a step in the direction of one of my dreams. What action have you taken today?

Image source: surfzone

Battling with my whiny self

“…we must learn that to give in to the threat is to give it all of our power. When we shy away from the task, we strangle ourselves. When we face it with all the force of our dignity as women and as heroines, things change for the better, however slowly or simply.”

Erin Blakemore – The Heroine’s Bookshelf

I’ve been running up against a big wall of resistance and self-sabotage lately. My inner-dialogue can be very argumentative and ridiculously whiny. I’m trying to speak to myself with compassion, but also a little bit of tough love too. When I hear ‘But I want X!’ I have to respond with, ‘Yes, but I want Y, and that’s a lot more important than X.’

We’ve been looking at financial planning lately. I can see the similarities between it and weightloss, in that when you have a specific goal in mind, you might have to go through short-term pain for long-term gain. You have to consider, is it really that hard to sacrifice the bowl of ice-cream when it could mean reaching your goal weight in a shorter amount of time? No, not really. So that’s where I’m at. I’m by no means wanting to or planning on depriving myself from the yummy things in life; that would just lead to gorging. I am however trying to be more mindful and recognize that my bodies’ requirements (and goals) aren’t necessarily going to be filled by a bowl of ice-cream.

I have been tracking my calories but I wouldn’t say that I’m counting calories. I’m just being aware of what range I should try to stay within in order to lose weight at a reasonable pace. The awareness of how ‘bad’ a food is certainly changes my willingness to eat a whole ton of it.

Being publicly accountable for my weightloss has been a pretty smart move. It makes me more conscious of what I’m eating and less likely to eat bad things because I don’t want to have to tell everyone. There is a kind of enjoyment in declining the goodies that come in to the office. Home can be a little bit more challenging. Sometimes when the whiny voice comes out and Matt suggests a healthy alternative, I get very irritated. I guess that is the whiny voice having a tantrum!

I’m still fighting discouragement, still working on my acceptance that this will take a long time, trying not to be frustrated with ‘slow’ progress. I’m trying to remember that I’ve lost 22 pounds since having Freya; 9 of which I’ve lost since the beginning of this year. It’s not an insignificant number.

When I’m struggling with pain while working out, I remind myself that I am capable of more than I know. I encourage myself to just make it to the 25 minute mark, then the 30 minute, and so on; to take a deep breath and lift the weights one more time.  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

Image source: Bobbi Miller-Moro

Everybody Cries

I saw a young woman crying on the bus this morning. Tell-tale red eyes, her expression crumbled when she looked down, then she would gain her composure and raise her head again. I felt bad for her, I wanted to do something but I don't know what the social conventions are. It's probably impolite to acknowledge someone's pain in a public venue, but is it inhuman to ignore someone who is in obvious distress?

I've been that woman. I remember crying on the bus on my way back from an appointment, thinking my pregnancy wasn't viable. I can imagine I may have desired some privacy but unfortunately life doesn't always allow for us to have the privacy or time to feel overwhelming emotions. I don't know how I would have reacted if someone had asked me if I was ok and if there was anything they could do.

I can't stop thinking about this, what would you have done in my situation?

Image source: D. Sharon Pruitt

Hello Again, Skinny Jeans

I've had a good month but I am certainly struggling with my dedication. Is it the new years resolution thing losing it's oomph?  Or is it the realisation that the journey I am on is so long that I will need a huge amount of determination to keep on trudging?

This past month I lost 8lbs, 3" from both my waist and hips and I had to have my brand new smaller-than-usual sized pants taken in so they would stop falling down.

I looked in the mirror and saw my cheekbones.

I fought waves of anxiety leading up to my work out hour, worrying about the judgement of other people at the gym, looking around and realising that I was one of the larger people there.

I discovered the amazing rush of endorphins that come at the end of a long hard workout, and that working out can make you feel happy!

I discovered that I like to snack late at night, out of habit, out of boredom.

I watched the number on the scale jump up by five pounds after dining out the night before, then spent a week working off those pounds again.

I spent another week or two staring at the same number on the scale, wondering if it would ever change.

I finally got below the weight I had dropped to during the darkest depressed days last year.

I squeezed back in to my skinny jeans.

Image source: AleksandraGabriela

Stylish Blogger Award

I am continuing to struggle to find a balanced life between working full time and having a family (let alone any kind of life of my own!). I had thought I would be adjusted long before now! Right now my main priority is trying to get my sleep sorted as I am just not getting enough of it, and it's fairly essential that I do.

So for now, here's a little something light for you all. Recently two of my readers gave me the Stylish Blogger Award. I was so touched and flattered! The award comes with a few 'rules', so here goes.

All stylish bloggers must pass on the award:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you this award

It was awarded to me by both Kelly of Ever Kelly and Katerina of Happy Mummy's Blog. Please stop by and visit with them. :)

2. Share 7 things about yourself (this was so hard to come up with!)

• I dream of being a musical one-hit wonder
• I grew up within 15 minutes drive of the ocean and yet I can only doggie-paddle
• I also dream of running a bed and breakfast in the country
• I had chicken pox when I was 12 and am covered in scars from it
• I type at over 100 words per minute
• My hair used to be so long that I could sit on it, I had it cut when I was 18
• As a youngster I used to take rolls and rolls of photographs and would spend all of my pocket money on getting them developed and buying more!

3. Award recently discovered great bloggers

http://befrankwithyou.blogspot.com/

This lovely lady has actually hung out with me in real life (I know, it's shocking). She's supremely crunchy and enthusiastic about sharing her crunchiness. I'm really enjoying reading her perspective on things parenting and pregnancy related. Also, her name is Amy, so you must know she is awesome.

http://www.refindjoy.com/

Janelle is a fellow Blogging Your Way student. I was immediately drawn to the idea of 're:findjoy'. I will admit her blog has sadly been sitting on my metaphorical blog shelf, gathering dust until I can find a spare moment, but I am hoping to dig in soon and read all that she has to offer. Her message is positive and encouraging. I pursue happiness in my life and I think joy goes hand-in-hand with that.

http://entertogetwell.blogspot.com/

The blog of my dear chiropractor, Danella. This lovely lady saved me from disability during my last pregnancy and has been gently nudging me towards overall wellness ever since. I sure was proud to tell her I'd joined the gym this new year! She probably breathed a silent sigh of relief!

4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award!

I will do this shortly!

I hope you all enjoyed learning a few new things about me, and hopefully checked out some of the blogs above. :)

If you are reading this through my blog you will notice I've added something new to the sidebar - a little weightloss tracker. So even if I'm not blogging about it all the time you can see how I'm doing by checking the number there. I will be sharing my experience of the first month of doing the gym thing shortly.