“…we must learn that to give in to the threat is to give it all of our power. When we shy away from the task, we strangle ourselves. When we face it with all the force of our dignity as women and as heroines, things change for the better, however slowly or simply.”
Erin Blakemore – The Heroine’s Bookshelf
I’ve been running up against a big wall of resistance and self-sabotage lately. My inner-dialogue can be very argumentative and ridiculously whiny. I’m trying to speak to myself with compassion, but also a little bit of tough love too. When I hear ‘But I want X!’ I have to respond with, ‘Yes, but I want Y, and that’s a lot more important than X.’We’ve been looking at financial planning lately. I can see the similarities between it and weightloss, in that when you have a specific goal in mind, you might have to go through short-term pain for long-term gain. You have to consider, is it really that hard to sacrifice the bowl of ice-cream when it could mean reaching your goal weight in a shorter amount of time? No, not really. So that’s where I’m at. I’m by no means wanting to or planning on depriving myself from the yummy things in life; that would just lead to gorging. I am however trying to be more mindful and recognize that my bodies’ requirements (and goals) aren’t necessarily going to be filled by a bowl of ice-cream.
I have been tracking my calories but I wouldn’t say that I’m counting calories. I’m just being aware of what range I should try to stay within in order to lose weight at a reasonable pace. The awareness of how ‘bad’ a food is certainly changes my willingness to eat a whole ton of it.
Being publicly accountable for my weightloss has been a pretty smart move. It makes me more conscious of what I’m eating and less likely to eat bad things because I don’t want to have to tell everyone. There is a kind of enjoyment in declining the goodies that come in to the office. Home can be a little bit more challenging. Sometimes when the whiny voice comes out and Matt suggests a healthy alternative, I get very irritated. I guess that is the whiny voice having a tantrum!
I’m still fighting discouragement, still working on my acceptance that this will take a long time, trying not to be frustrated with ‘slow’ progress. I’m trying to remember that I’ve lost 22 pounds since having Freya; 9 of which I’ve lost since the beginning of this year. It’s not an insignificant number.
When I’m struggling with pain while working out, I remind myself that I am capable of more than I know. I encourage myself to just make it to the 25 minute mark, then the 30 minute, and so on; to take a deep breath and lift the weights one more time. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…
Image source: Bobbi Miller-Moro
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