Go For It!

A month ago I saw an advertisement for what was essentially my dream job. I wasn’t looking for a new job; I was just reading the newspaper. My heart leapt in to my throat and I of course immediately tried to talk myself out of applying for it. I talked with friends and my husband and was surprised when they all encouraged me to go for it. Part of me felt, how fair is it to apply for a job when you know that you will most likely be moving overseas sometime in the next six-twelve months? The other part of me thought it was too good an opportunity to miss.

The last time I applied for a job was almost three years ago, and I did not have a copy of that resume on my computer. So amidst a very busy week including a day trip by plane to and from another city with very little sleep, I had to rewrite my resume and a cover letter from scratch.

It was a surprisingly enjoyable experience. Coupling the enthusiasm I felt for the position I was applying for with the usually difficult task of talking about myself and just how great I am, I felt confident, I felt capable, I felt I could take on this job and anything else they threw my way.

If you think this is the part where I tell you I got the job and start on Monday, you would be incorrect. That’s honestly not the point. The point is that I took a risk, despite it not being perfect timing, despite not fitting 100% of the job requirements, despite the setback of not even having a resume and the pressing deadline for submission being immediately after the day trip.

I haven’t heard a thing back in response to my submission. It’s been a month and although it’s possible I still might hear back, I doubt it. But I’m still thrilled to pieces that I pushed myself to go for something I wanted. If I hadn’t, I know that I would have regretted it.  I'd far rather take the risk of succeeding than the certainty of failing by not trying at all.

Image source: icultist

What About Me? A Call To Selfishness

"What about me, it isn't fair

I've had enough now I want my share
Can't you see I wanna live
But you just take more than you give."

Shannon Noll - What About Me

It was the night before I went back to work after a four day long weekend. I felt drained and exhausted, as if I needed another long weekend to recover. Depression settled on me like a heavy wet blanket. It dug in so deeply that it was obvious to a co-worker the next day, and it took me several days to shake it off.

I do not like feeling that way and I refuse to accept that as my lot in life so I needed to examine what had happened to bring it on.

I spent the entire weekend doing the tidying and cleaning thing. At the end of the weekend my entire house looked amazing, but I had neglected to look after me.

I deserve to be happy. I deserve to experience joy in living. I deserve to be a little less selfless and a little more selfish. What woman hasn't thought what about me?

I know the responsibilities you have, I know it's so much harder than you let on. I know that sometimes you go to sleep wondering how you will make it through the next day. I know this because I feel it too.

Just think about this for a minute; your world will not end if you step away from it for a few hours. What would you do with a couple of hours off from your life? What could you do with as little as fifteen minutes? What does that look like?

gracehesterdesigns

Getting a haircut. Shopping the sales racks. Browsing the bookstore. Looking out the window. Turning up the music until I can't hear the world. Dedicating my lunch hour to going to the gym. Stealing an extra half an hour in the evening to work-out again. Going to bed an hour early to lose myself in a good book. Listening to music while taking a hot shower, and singing along.

I am relaxed. My heart sings. My mind is calmed. My body is soothed. I am happy.

Let's all be a little bit selfish.

Image source: Sheshm

A Room of Her Own

Every woman needs and deserves a room of her own, or if not a room, a corner, a nook.

It’s important for my happiness that I have somewhere to retreat to at the end of the day, or for those times when life becomes a little too overwhelming and I just need a moment alone to compose myself.

Life with two little ones can be messy and busy. Often the day will end with the house being much messier than I’d like. That is why our master bedroom is my number one priority.

I know that no matter what was left undone throughout the rest of house, when I open that door I have somewhere to retreat to that is tidy and beautiful.

A little taste of my inner world, with treasures yet to be discovered.

Books well read and loved.

A place to reflect, to remember.

A splash of color, beauty found in the ordinary.

With my pretty things on display and a reminder to take life one step at a time.

Every woman deserves a room of her own.

Linking up to the HomeGoods 'Mom Cave' Contest at Centsational Girl

The generousity of strangers

This morning I spent a few hours with my best friend. That's always a recharge for me (hopefully not too much of a drain for her) as I get to talk to someone who 'gets' it. I'm not entirely comfortable with telling everyone when I am struggling with depression, because the reality is that I struggle a lot! I try to put on a brave face and she has told me in the past that once I start complaining about something, it must be bad. It's just nice to have someone to complain to!

I'm feeling grateful today because one of the things I put out in the universe has come back to me, in this case I've received much more than I gave! Back during the free giveaway weekend I decided to put out several bags of baby/toddler girls clothes since although I had been trying to sell them on kijiji, they weren't moving. A lady from down the street came by and picked them up. Since then my Mother-In-Law picked up some secondhand clothes for Desana while she was on vacation, and today Shawna brought over TONS of clothes that she was given by another friend. She sorted through and chose what she wanted, then I went through and picked what I wanted, and there were still enough clothes left to go to another family.

I feel so grateful because Desana is outgrowing everything again, and it's nice for Freya to have a few pieces that are 'new' to us. It also helps me look at what we have with a new eye. Reality is, unless you only do your laundry every two or three weeks, your child probably doesn't need two dozen short sleeved shirts, two dozen long sleeved shirts and two dozen pairs of pants. It's a difficult concept for us to grasp these days, but a person can get by with only a few pieces of clothing.

Don't the experts say we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time? I think that probably applies to children's clothes as well. I know I have my favorites, the colors I love or love to see them in, the pieces I find particularly adorable. So many things just get passed over, but there they sit hanging in the closet, or buried in the back of the dresser drawer when they could be used by another family, another child.

Something to consider. Are you struggling to find clothes for your kids to wear just because there's way too much in their closet? Pay it forward. Although I always appreciate receiving new clothes for the girls, I honestly prefer to receive hand-me-downs or buy second hand because it is such a huge saving, and the little money I do have or receive could be put towards other things. My kids don't wear rags, but they don't wear princess dresses all day long either and that's just fine.


Image source: Nanagyei

How to be Happy (when you are not)

Living with depression (for me) is like permanently suffering from PMS. When things go wrong my emotions can spiral wildly out of control. I am in a place now where I can recognise this. I put myself in 'time out' and spend a few minutes acknowledging the feelings, then grounding myself. Things are never as bad as they seem, once you put things in perspective.

These points are all personal to me, but perhaps you can find some way to relate them to your life.

1. My maternity leave is up in three months. I have three more months at home with my beautiful girls. Three months is a very long time. Imagine if someone told you they were going on vacation to a beautiful island for three months. Three months!

2. I have a job waiting for me to go back to after my maternity leave is up.I have a job when many people do not. A job that I do well, and am paid well for doing. I am paid well, when many people are not.

3. I am overweight. I have more than enough food in my house to maintain and gain weight (should I chose to).

4. My clothes are falling off me. My clothes are falling off me! That means I've lost a significant amount of weight.

5. Sometimes I feel really smothered by the 'clutter' in my house and I just can't stand it. I have been blessed with enough money to buy things I no longer need or have room for, and with friends and family who think of me. In turn, I can bless others with these things.

So you see, even though there are a whole lot of things I could feel unhappy about (you better believe there are more than 5), if I think about it, maybe the things that are troubling me are really blessings in disguise.

I am not a naturally optimistic person (although I married one), and I have a tendency to think of the worse case scenario for any given situation. I am however a work in progress. Life is a whole lot more enjoyable when you chose to see the things you've got going for you.

It turns out life is pretty damn short... and I'd rather it be sweet.

(image: Sterlic)

I like... country tables

I've decided to start up a new irregular feature. By irregular I mean that I won't be doing it on a particular day of the week, every week, maybe just when the mood strikes me.

You probably remember my previously mentioning the concept of an illustrated discovery journal (IDJ). I have an IDJ folder on my computer where I save images that I come across as I browse. Those things that really appeal to or call me, for whatever reason. I've never had unlimited money (who has?) to go out and buy the things I really like, until recently when I started being able to find those things by looking and looking, then looking some more on kijiji, until just what I was looking for appeared with a price tag I could smile at.

Snapshot of my Illustrated Discovery Journal photo folder

I've found that by saving the images of things I like, I'm discovering what it is I like. That may sound like a pretty basic concept for me to be grasping, but at 26 years of age I can't clearly define my sense of style or what kind of decor I like. Now my IDJ is sure helping me get there!

Anyhow, since I've been blathering on for quite awhile about this, to get us started I'm going to show you just one thing that has really appealed to me lately. :)

I like... country tables

A few days ago I read this post over at Thrifty Decor Chick about a little table she'd been working on. Instantly every blog I read seemed to have one of these tables! I realised that they were conjuring up a childhood memory of my Great Grandparents kitchen table. My Dad cut it down to a size that worked in our small family kitchen. It had a beautiful stained top with white gorgeous spindled legs beneath. LOVE. (Hey Mum, whatever happened to that table?) So I did what naturally came next and searched kijiji for 'country'. This is what I found:

I have neither the room or the money (the seller is asking for $125) to buy this particular table right now, so I have saved these pictures to remember that this is something that really called to me as being beautiful. I can tell when that happens because my heart goes all aflutter and I hear myself making the same noise you make when you taste something very yummy - Mmmm!

Something this kind of size is appealing to me as a little desk to sit at with my laptop. One of my biggest surprises lately has been discovering that after many years of despising it, I actually like blue now. I think it all goes back to my beautiful bedside table.

One of the things I've been working on is not getting all worked up when I see something I want but can't have. I've reached the point where (most of the time) I'm able to look at something like that table and appreciate it without becoming dejected over not being able to make it mine. It has made life so much easier being able to accept what I already have without feeling envious over what I don't have. What I have is more than enough!