Disclaimer: The following is an account of my personal experience with breastfeeding. I don't claim that this is what every one experiences, or that there is a right way of doing things.
Desana lost more than 10% of her birth weight (which we later learned with Freya is just what my babies do). She refused my right breast all together. She had a poor shallow latch so it hurt any time she would nurse to the point where it felt like I was being stabbed by glass. Because of the weight loss my midwife had to consult with a doctor who said I needed to bring Desana in to see him and that I needed to supplement with formula. I chose not to bring her in because I felt she was doing fine, I just needed to keep nursing. At my midwifes suggestion I took about a 24 hour break from breastfeeding to try and let my nipples heal and bought a hand pump to express with in the meantime. We started Desana on formula and Matt took care of her mostly on his own for 24 hours while I tried to get some sleep.
The worst advice I was given was to just push through the pain of Desana nursing with a shallow latch, because at least she was getting something. It would have been so much better to work on improving her latch which would have meant I was no longer being injured. Pain does not a good nursing relationship make. There were times where I was in so much pain that I had to hand her off to someone because I literally could not stand being close to her (as the needy source of the pain) anymore.
The second worst advice I was given was to not use breast compression (which I was doing because it just seemed like the natural thing to do) as it would give me blocked ducts. Not true! Breast compression encourages the milk to flow by stimulating the letdown reflex.
I tried a nipple shield to get her to nurse without direct contact but she didn't really like it. I've heard so much about 'nipple confusion' but neither of my girls have ever had issues.
I felt so guilty over giving Desana formula. I was so pro-breastfeeding going in to it and had fallen for the 'formula is poison' line. You know what? Formula is not breastmilk, but if that's what it takes IT IS OK.
Desana had a habit of screaming for hours in the middle of the night. Matt was working nights so it was just the screaming baby and the crying Mummy. She would be crying so frantically that I wouldn't be able to calm her down enough to latch on. So in those instances I would give her a bottle of formula. She would stop screaming, I would stop crying and feeling like I was losing my mind. Formula is ok.
By the time we went back to my midwife for our 6 week postpartum visit, I was exclusively breastfeeding and had even been able to get Desana to accept my right breast. It just took some time for her to learn how to nurse properly, and for me to learn how to hold her and how to show her how to latch properly. For some mothers and babies it might just happen naturally, for us it took some time.
Whoever said breastfeeding doesn't hurt was lying. Even if your baby has correct latch the reality is that you are going from basically probably only having your breasts sucked on once in awhile during lovemaking (typing that made me blush!) to having a newborn latched on for HOURS and HOURS every day. Your skin has to toughen up!
I went to work when Desana was 6 months old and would pump twice a day. It sucked! I didn't have a great supply and an electric pump can never produce as much milk as your baby can. I took the maximum dose of fenugreek to increase my supply and did notice an improvement. When she was about 11 months I decided to quit pumping. I couldn't deal with how isolating it felt to spend every minute of my breaktime at work locked away in a small room with a machine that made a repetitive noise that was really getting to me.
Desana went back on formula for a few weeks then half formula/half cows milk for a few months once she was over a year. She was also on solids although she refused them until 9 months. Adding solids did nothing to increase her weightgain, she stayed steady at the 10th percentile. I continued to nurse her evenings, nights (cosleeping) and on demand on the weekends.
About a month after I stopped pumping my period returned. Three cycles later Freya was conceived.
I think that Desana is about to wean. Lately when I've let her nurse she tries for 30-60 seconds then pulls off and says 'There's nothing in there!'. I think she's forgetting how to nurse... but it is kind of sweet that it's happening this way. I've never really tried to wean her, although when I was nursing through my pregnancy with Freya, there were several months where it was so painful that I would only let her nurse very briefly. I believe that the pregnancy hormones make your breasts sensitive again and it takes awhile to get past that. I can however tell you that the ultimate huge bonus you can look forward to with nursing through pregnancy is that once your baby is born your nipples don't have to be 'broken in' again! With Freya I only had one or two days with a little soreness as she learnt how to latch properly.
Towards the end of my pregnancy I did not nurse Desana often because of the giant pregnant belly being in the way and feeling physically uncomfortable in general. However once Freya was born Desana came in very handy for those times when Freya would nurse, fall asleep, and I would still be painfully engorged. It got to the point where if Freya fell asleep nursing and I stood up with her to take her in to the bedroom, Desana would run to Freya's crib where I put her down for naps and say 'Nurse now?!'. Most of the time, yes, I let her.
Now Desana is 32 months (that is just 4 months from being 3 years old). She is always on the go, so nursing requires more patience than she has these days. She still asks about once a day, and rarely, she will still fall asleep at the breast. I am trying to treasure these moments because I can feel the nursing coming to an end.
I don't know if she will remember our 'extended' nursing, but I hope she at least remembers me nursing one of her siblings. I only remember one nursing mother from my childhood. She was still nursing her daughter who was, to my recollection, in the 4-5 year range but may have been younger. I remember how strange (weird) my parents thought that was that she nursed her daughter before bedtime at that age. I look back on that now, as a nursing mother, I think how wonderful that was of her. What a special relationship.
I hope that my girls grow up in a society that is accepting of breastfeeding, especially breastfeeding openly, of it being natural and right and good. Yes I think breasts are pretty damn sexy but just because there's a baby's head covering the nipple instead of a bikini or bra, doesn't mean a woman should cover up altogether.
I never set out with the intention of breastfeeding for 32 months. I aimed for 6 months, when she could start solids, then 1 year because that was the standard recommendation I was given. Now, according to the World Health Organization:
Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.(emphasis is my own)
Once we got to a year I couldn't see stopping. I fought so hard to establish our nursing relationship, and especially with being a working mother it really helped me to continue to feel connected and close to her. I hope it helped her too.
While I was pregnant with Freya I made the decision to buy a can of formula to have on hand just in case I needed a little help. I needed a little help. I still felt a small amount of guilt, but we supplemented for a little while, both for her weightgain and to give me a little break. Literally only 1-2 ounces a day.
We didn't even finish one can and I ended up with an oversupply. :)
Please feel free to leave any comments or questions!
Further Reading:
- Breastfeeding Beyond Infancy - Mothering.com resource
- Breastfeeding in Mongolia - where children regularly breastfeed to 6 years of age
- Historic Photos & Prints of Breastfeeding - a facebook page
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